It was 15th October 2006 when I ran the Toronto Marathon. The reason I decided to run this marathon was that it marked the 3 year anniversary of when I pulled out of the business I had and reached my lowest point... I wasn't just at the bottom of my mountain, I was lying in a very deep pit at the foot of the mountain! At the time I had challenged myself to pay off the £100k debt in 3 years.... and I was to do everything I could to meet that challenge. However, it became more and more clear as the months went by that this was an unrealistic challenge. Everything I earnt went on paying off the debt and I couldn't really have done much more to pay off the debt quicker... but I still felt I had failed in some way. The depression I was going through and the huge burden of debt I had on my shoulders was very tough to deal with and I believed the sooner I cleared the debt then the quicker I could move on with my life.
If I wasn't going to be able to meet the 3 year debt challenge then maybe I could set myself another challenge instead. Similar to the Las Vegas marathon, I felt as if I wasn't doing anything much with my life... it was on hold until I had cleared the debt, but I wanted to do something positive... so once again I decided to go for a marathon and a free holiday! This time though I was definitely going to go under 4 hrs!
So I signed up for the Toronto marathon with the main objective to go under 4 hrs and in doing so I believed this would somehow make amends fornot meeting the 3 years debt challenge. It would show that I had the determination and strength... and that if I put my mind (and body) to something then I could achieve that goal. I had about 4 months to train and there seemed to be no reason why I couldn't achieve the 4 hr mark.
I started training and things weren't going too badly... but some good news I had received from work was soon going to have an effect. I was working for BT and had been promoted to be Head of Finance for Marketing which meant working closely with the Directors for Marketing, Brand and Customer Research who were all based at the London Head office in St Pauls. It meant I was goingto be working even longer hours plus the daily commute to London from Milton Keynes. My training suffered as I never seemed to have time to run and was constantly shattered!
But I had to get under 4 hrs.... it was becoming more and more important to me as it symbolised 3 years of depression. I placed too much emphasis on the 4 hr mark and on the 3 year anniversary.... but that also gave me the motivation and determination to train when I could. I was still getting pain in my knees and only managing shorter runs of between 5 and 10 miles as the date to leave for Toronto got closer and closer. A week before going I managed my longest run.... 13 miles in 2 hrs on a treadmill... which really hurt! However, I believed on the day I could realy dig in deep and it was going to be possible to get under 4 hrs.
The race day came and I had a new set of secret weapons to help.... a new improved 'bum-bag'..... complete with painkillers, sweets and energy gels... plus I had a small MP3 player with specially chosen 'running' songs to keep me going! My plan was to run the first half in 1hr 45 mins and then hold on in the second half to just get under 4hrs! Conditions were almost ideal... and I felt pretty good during the first few miles... I was optimistic. However, unlike every other marathon, there were no regular mile markers and no timers on the course... so I had no way of pacing myself properly. It was only at the half way mark that they had the timings and 13.1 mile marker.... I had felt reasonably good for the first 9-10 miles but was starting to really struggle as I approached the halfway point... hoping that I was on target for 1hr 45 mins.....
As I ran past the half way mark, the clock said 1hr 48 mins..... I was distraught. Although it doesn't sound like much (just 3 minutes outside my target)... I knew that given the lack of training and the way I was now feeling it would be impossible to get under 4hrs. Furthermore, in the Toronto marathon there is a famous 'hill' just after halfway..... this hill was a huge uphill gradient that lasted for over half a mile. It was a killer. My legs buckled... the pain was unbearable and I had to stop. Trying to stretch out and taking on more painkillers I kept going....
My left foot and ankle were really hurting with a mixture of sharp pains and deep dull aches.... as I kept going the pain intensified and I knew there was something more seriously wrong. The combination of the physical pain and the emotional pain of knowing that I wasn't going to be able to get under 4hrs caused tears to roll down my face... I felt like a broken man. I had to keep stopping as the pain was too much.... but the pain of the last few years outweighed the current pain I was experiencing... and I used that anger to keep going. I was going to finish.... I wasn't going to be beaten... I had to keep going.
It is hard to describe the emotions and the pain that I put myself through... but I eventually finished in 4hrs 15 mins.... a personal best! Suffice to say that I couldn't walk or even move for the next few days... and when I got back home to England I emerged from hospital with a set of crutches and a stress fracture of the left foot!
I was very upset that I hadn't run under 4 hrs but at the same time I was proud that I had kept going despite everything.... and I also knew that it meant that I would have to do another marathon one day to finally put the ghost to rest and get under 4hrs!
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